trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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