Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
