I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
