I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
