A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
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