I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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