I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
My bed smells like the plague
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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