i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
