Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
