I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize
