gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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