apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
