i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
