i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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