What did we do last night that was yellow?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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