walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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