I'm going to jail i love you
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize