Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
