I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
