its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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