hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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