this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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