I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
