O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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