i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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