Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
