woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
