Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
