and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Randomize
