His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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