I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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