Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
