I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
