ya dads aren't the best wingmen
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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