what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
