I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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