I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
