She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I am naked and annoyed.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
