I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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