Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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