hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Randomize
