So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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