y did u give ur computer a hand job?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
this is an emotional support booty call
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
