Having a random hookup so left but love u
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
