We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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