her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
