dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
try to milk me bitch
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