I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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