complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize