i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
