We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
How's work?
Spinning.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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