there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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