I think my vagina is haunted
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
