when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
