he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
