are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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