Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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