You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
