Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
