Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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