I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
