I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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