so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
