I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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