he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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