I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
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